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Men and women
In 1931, only a year after he had won the golfing grand slam of the professional and amateur Opens of Britain and America, Bobby Jones played an exhibition match against Joyce Wethered at St Andrew’s. Playing from the same tees, Wethered was two–up with three to play. Only a remarkable fight–back over the closing stretch allowed Jones to snatch victory. Afterwards, Jones was asked if there had ever been a better female player than Wethered. He thought for a moment before replying:
“I am very doubtful if there has ever been a better player, man or woman, he said. “I have never played golf with anyone, amateur or professional, who has made me feel so utterly out–classed.”
In late summer 2004, Kelly Holmes won gold medals at the Athens Olympic Games for both the 800m and the 1500m, a feat that neither Coe, Ovett nor any other of the pantheon of Great British athletes had been able to achieve.
There are few aspects of life – apart from war and politics – that are subject to so much hypocrisy, cover–up and downright ignorance as a consideration of how and why we think as we do about men and women. And in particular of how and why men and women are psychologically and mentally so different. I’ve started this chapter, therefore, by stating a lifetime conviction that men and women should be treated equally. There is no basis for either one putting down the other. Both are capable of marvellous achievement. However, though equal, men and women are not the same. If only we can recognise and enjoy the differences.
This chapter describes how different we are. It scotches the notion of “normality” as the only acceptable thing to be, and then looks at how typically–male brains produce different attitudes from typically–female brains. Understanding these themes is vital to how we understand and treat each other. Finally it considers a different type of “driver” from those four discussed in Chapter 1, the genetic driver behind the systemic minds – largely male minds – of those nearing autism.
The aim is to build our understanding that, although equal, men and women tend to be different in far more complex ways than we had expected. It is not useful to think in terms of normality, but instead to work with and enjoy the rich diversity of our sexuality, our minds and our talents. Once we understand this, we will start to see how we can harness these strengths, and we will begin to understand that building teams is more complex, more valuable and more important than we had expected.
Let me end this summary with two observations that hopefully will set you thinking. The first concerns the unique power of women to help socialise men. The second raises the spectre of a societal time–bomb, potentially as dangerous as global warming.
First the unique socialising power of women. Most violent crime is a male event. Crime rates in the West continue to rise. I suspect this is directly linked, by the way, to the increase in broken homes and failed parenting. Policy–makers have been concerned, not unnaturally, with how to turn young male delinquents into law–abiding adults. John Laub, the criminologist from the University of Maryland, has recently completed a study of 500 criminals who were in reform school in the 1930s and 1940s (“Shared Beginnings: Divergent Lives” John H Laub & Robert J Sampson: Harvard University Press 2004). Now in their seventies, Laub has interviewed them to find out what, if anything, made them turn their backs on crime. He has identified three factors that bring men back into law–abiding society – a steady job, a spell in the armed forces and, above all, a successful long–term marriage. There are, he shows, many aspects of the marriage that contribute to the change, but, to judge from the quotations in the book, the most powerful of all is the joy, satisfaction and empathetic warmth of a wife. They all show a clear pride and happiness in the knowledge that they are sharing their lives with someone they can trust to support them and stand by them. To know that, should you be unlucky enough to become ill, there will be someone who loves you enough to care for you, is a privilege beyond price. In a marriage, women help to change men’s goals and behaviour in ways that are profoundly and powerfully life–enhancing. Women make their men more empathetic.
Policy–makers would do well to put far greater resource into helping young offenders maintain their relationships whilst they are in jail and after they are let out. In the long run, this would prove a lot cheaper than policing, probation and locking men up. It would make the men happier, and society safer.
My second and final thought concerns the relatively exact science of demographics. Table 6.4 opposite shows sex ratios across the world. In India, China and other parts of Asia, more male babies are being born than female. In these countries today more boys are living than girls. Already in China there are more than 100 million single men, nearly twice as many as there are people in Britain. They are called “Bare Branches”. China’s crime rate has tripled in the last twenty years and, as we would expect, the vast majority of offences are committed by rootless, disaffected young men. Two political scientists, Valerie Hudson and Andrea den Boer at MIT have described the situation as a “ticking time–bomb”. Bride–bartering and kidnapping are commonplace in rural areas; prostitution is rife. Hudson and den Boer have been criticised for suggesting that the millions of “surplus males” carry a threat to society. They have been labelled “scaremongers”, but I can see no foundation for such criticism.
Numbers of young men on this vast scale, driven by their testosterone–fuelled aggressive instincts, pose a massive threat to the stability of nations. Most are of low socio–economic status, with little stake in the country, and with frustratingly little education or scope for self–improvement. The scientists gradually build an apocalyptic scenario of China soaking up the imbalance through vast armies that could lead to war.
“In addition to stimulating a steadier allegiance from ‘bare branches’, who are especially motivated by issues involving national pride and martial prowess, conflict is often an effective mechanism by which government can send men away from population centres, possibly never to return.”